Along the line of life two opposites lie, one is to birth and the other is to die. The dance of the two creates life anew, and so winter makes way for spring once more. 

The dark night of the soul is a termed coined by Saint John of the Cross, who spoke of the spiritual purgations that faced those who were devout to getting closer to God. As the seasons progress, parts of us become dead wood, and at some point, whether by force or offering, this gets set onto a fire, which turns this wood into itself. This is a process of painful purification that is catalysed by the necessity of transformation so that life itself can thrive and become conscious of its source. 

What is a Dark Night of the Soul? 

Saint John of the Cross talked of two kinds of dark night of the soul, involving active (external) and passive (internal) aspects. However, as we’ll discuss, the dark night of the soul can be generalised beyond John’s two nights, as there are more specific and varied critical junctures where we undergo these big transformations. John’s two dark nights of the soul are: 

1. The active and passive nights of the senses
2. The active and passive nights of the spirit

In the nights of the senses, there is a painful sense of disconnection from god and a yearning, a reevaluation of what matters in life and one’s attachment to physical and emotional pleasures, and also relationships that have run their course. This involves active efforts to change, and a passive ongoing receptivity to the purification or burning within this trying time. 

The nights of the spirit are much more rare, intense, and profound, involving the soul burning away everything but it’s finest essence ahead of a final union with God. However, aside from this Saint John’s commentary, we can talk about the dark night of the soul beyond these two contexts; it is true that everyone goes through their own phases of dissolution and purification, as well as re-integration and exaltation to a new way of life. 

It happens when a CEO hits rock-bottom, utterly burned out. Money rich and soul-poor, they are forced to question the meaning of their lives up to that point and their priorities. What were the long weeks about; what did money get them; was the sacrifice of themselves and their relationships worth it? 

It happens when a student flips open a book and reads a string of words that sets alight the very glue that held their worldview together. It happens at the end of an era, when a person or even a whole generation looks back at the bittersweet, smoldering wreckage of a way of life that just couldn’t go on, seeing it for what it was. 

What may be in common in all dark nights of the soul, is that a big reevaluation of self and life occurs in this process; this involves deep questions and painful throbs over what matters; what life is about, who we are, ambitions and regrets, existential wrestlings, and a sense of deep disconnection from one’s self, God, and others. These can all be symptomatic of a dark night. 

What makes a dark night of the soul such a scary and confusing time is the sheer depth of uncertainty and gloom that can come down onto a being who moves through it. However, it’s enough to hold fast and to also know that this is an aspect of life that humanity knows well, reflected in sayings like ‘it is darkest before the dawn’, or awaiting ‘the light at the end of the tunnel’. 

How do you know you’re in a dark night of the soul rather than a general rut, and what can you do to make the transition easier? 

A dark night of the soul can involve signs and symptoms such as: 

• A sense of your identity being challenged and changing.
• A sense of loss, grief, or despair for one’s self, others, or the human condition.
• Difficulties with doing everyday things.
• Excessive sleep or lack of it; deep loss of energy and motivation
• General depletion; diet, sex drive, physical exhaustion.
• Difficult emotions running rampant, or alternately, times of quietude and peace. Perhaps in alternations. 
• A sense of being seperate from something intangible, a ‘home’. 
• Asking new questions that you may not have thought about before. 
• Severe anxiety, panic attacks, and depressive symptoms. 
• Relationships beginning to change or become strained. 
• An attraction to darker, more morbid themes.
• The way you see the world is changing; what it’s about, as well as the nature of your perspective, are starting to transform. 
• Greater empathy and compassion for your own and others’ suffering. 

If you’re reading this, you may be either curious or going through a dark night yourself. In either case, it’s okay to be worried and to take heart in the change. The dark nights of the soul that we all move through at various points in our lives can lead to beautiful outcomes.

How to Navigate a Dark Night of the Soul

In these times where these signs and symptoms appear, there is some consolation and helpful tips for making the process less painful than it needs to be. 

Embrace it and Make Space for Your Own Processes 

Resistance will persist and add on extra suffering to the process. Being with the pains and throbs of this process will make it easier not only to bear but also to see the glimmers of light that are sparking out from this process. When I went through an existential-esque dark night a few years ago, embracing the seeing-through of constructs and the fluidness of myself and reality helped the process to spark into a ‘renaissance’ of the soul. 

Honour Your Own Processes

The dark knight may bring out behaviours that support the process or help with coping. This may be a desire to over-eat, to cry, to express anger, smoke, or a desire for solitude. It’s okay to do these things to help process. Be mindful as you do so. 

This Said, Take Care of Yourself and Go Easy

Take care to get outside, to eat well, exercise and stretch, spend some time with others, and even just enjoy some recreational activities. Getting too far into the night-side of things can take us far from the light of our everyday life. This is a time to slow down, rather than speed up. 

Meditate

Meditation is often a great tool for stabilising and integrating a dark night of the soul. It helps the body and mind to balance it’s energies and integrate new experiences and insights. The stillness will offer a welcome, open space for respite. However, if meditation is escalating the dark night, it’s okay to set it aside for a time as well. See how you feel and act accordingly. 

Talk to Someone Who Can Hold Space For You

Not everyone will know or understand what you are going through in a dark night unless they have been through a similar one or multiple dark nights themselves. If this resonates, you can look out, perhaps online, for people who may relate with what you’re going through as they can be a great source of support and insight. 

Remember, There is a Light at the End of the Tunnel!

It can be so helpful to remember that there’s a higher purpose to the process and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel waiting for you. When you get to that end, you realise that you were the light guiding itself home! I often remark to people that the worst time of my life was the best thing that happened to me exactly for this reason. 

The End of a Dark Night of the Soul

The end of a dark night of the soul will be palpable! At the end of these seasons of our lives, there is often a big uplifting release of energy, coupled with a new perspective and perhaps even a shift in the outer circumstances of our lives. 

Looking back, the journey taken to this new height (and depth!) will be seen as worthwhile. After a mixture of scrambling and perhaps hanging on for a while, we reach a plateau where we can rest for sometime, taking in everything that has been experienced and learned. We may feel a newfound connection to ourselves, our significant others, and the world. A dark night of the soul, in its purifications, allows us to become and express a more whole, balanced, creative, wise, related, and loving version of ourselves. 

The paradox is, that version of ourselves would not have been possible if it weren’t for the previous version of ourselves too; forming a base. We come to terms more with the way our life has unfolded up to this point, and continue participating from this newfound stance and view. 

In the end, the Grace of Existence will ensure that every individual is supported to their own realisation of the timeless nature of truth and love in their own time. What makes this easier, is being receptive and present to the ever-unfolding of the rich moment, when all is said and done.