Negative thinking is an epidemic these days. It can include self and other attacking or coercing thoughts, scary visions or ideas, nightmares, and general judgements that ultimately state ‘this is bad’. 

In many of my posts, such as this one, I lay explain how conditioning grooves in the habitual patterns of negative thinking that most people encounter every day. So here, we will jump straight into how negative thinking works and how to address it. 

Negative Thinking is Based on Tension Waiting to be Released

If you think of a stretched rubber band, we see that it’s being stretched along two sides. To have contents of negative, implies things we consider to be positive. The opposition between the two, creates the tension that sustains negative thoughts. 

One day you are a success, another a failure; one day you’re feeling valued, and the next day feeling under looked and worthless, and so on. The tension is caused by pulling apart, and this physical metaphor extends into the realms of our mind as well. 

In cases of OCD, a person will often have distressing thoughts and then try to counter them with compensatory ones, but this actually aggravates the condition. Likewise, avoiding the contents of a phobia amplifies the phobia, such as in agoraphobia. This contrasts with the cure that is found to phobias in gradual exposure therapy. To fight with ourselves continues the conflicts that start these very same fights; it’s a fire meets fire situation!

So the key to lowering the tension, is to bring the positive and the negative closer together; to close the gap between what is desired and what is feared, between what we claim as ‘good’ and ‘mine’, and what is ‘bad’ and ‘other’. 

The 3–2–1 Shadow Integration Technique

Introduced to me by Ken Wilber, the 3–2–1 shadow technique is a powerful way to get to the roots of negative thoughts and what they have to tell us about ourselves. 

Our shadow encompasses the aspects of ourselves that have been rejected, demonised, and discarded. As a result, they cause trouble from a psychic basement. They may be quite an enduring experience in our awareness in extremes, or wait for a fitting circumstance to arise and then hijack our conscious awareness; this is not so much out of malevolence than from a place of self defence or self care in its origin. Rather, when the shadow comes out in thoughts and behaviors towards ourselves and others, they act as a mirror for us to glimpse these discarded parts with.

As an example, often when someone is depressed, it is because they have turned their capacity for anger inwards to a big extent. It gets to such a point that their body is immobilised, that they feel the world is angry at them, and then other conditions like anxiety can accompany this as well. It’s scary to feel helpless and vulnerable. At root, depression often comes from being in a situation where the emotion of anger was/is deemed unacceptable, either by the person’s own judgement, or due to the beliefs of family or peers. The anger has become shadow material. 

The emotion of anger is positive in that it protects boundaries and thus ourselves from threats, and so when it gets repressed, it has an even more destructive consequence that flips the protective and life-serving aspects of this emotion on its head. Instead of defending themselves, a person may be attacking themselves, and instead of being mobilised and motivated, they are immobilised by this stuck energy. 

As we see, the painful effects of the shadow and the negative thinking we can experience from it comes from an innocent place, a place of misunderstanding. So while it is scary to face our shadows, it can be a comfort to understand we are reconnecting with parts of ourselves and bringing them home. There does not have to be a loss of judgement and discernment in reconciling these inner paradoxes as well. 

3–2–1 Shadow Technique Steps: 

First, choose what you want to work with. This may be a difficult person, a repetitive feeling, or a dream-image for example. The key thing is they cause a noticeable disturbance. You can work with overly positive (e.g idealising, or positively attached) things like a strong desire to succeed, or highly negative (fearful, demonising, or aversively attached) things. Either way, the technique is designed to bring back balance and clarity.

1. Face it: Observe the disturbance very closely. Use a journal or get into a calm meditative state and visualise it. Describe it in detail using 3rd person pronouns (e.g him, her, it, they). Take the time to describe it fully in as much detail as possible.
2. Talk to it: Now we will enter into a dialogue with the shadow material. We use 2nd person pronouns here (e.g you, yours). Talk to this person, situation, feeling, or idea in your awareness. You can start by asking ‘who are you?’, ‘why are you here?’, ‘what do you need to tell me?’, ‘what gift do you have to bring me?’. Allow them to respond back to you, and then vocalise or write it down. Allow yourself to be surprised and open! Once you’re satisfied with your understanding of this ‘you’ and how you relate with it, proceed to step 3.
3. Be it: Now writing or speaking in the first person (‘I am’, ‘I feel’), be that person, situation, or feeling you’re exploring. Let yourself step into their shoes; see the world from their perspective, and express it. This will often feel very ‘wrong’ at first, but just let yourself try it on for size. It’s not going to define you, and the shadow material always has a kernel of truth to give to us as a minimum. Now let yourself feel what it’s like to be them too. The inner space previously taken up by rejection or denial of the material should clear. You’ll know the process has worked when you experience a shift in lightness in your body, a sense of peace, an uplifted mood, clarity, or openness.

And that’s it! The shadow produces negative thinking, and by closing the gap between this discarded, seemingly ‘other’ and yourself, it is possible to bring negative thought patterns about specific topics, people, and situations home. Alongside this, there are a range of practices we can cultivate to gradually lower the power of rumination over time, like: 

• Meditation
• Journalling
• Practicing gratitude
• Keeping the body in good health
• Setting healthy boundaries

These can all calm the mind, reclaim the shadow, and gradually deepen the stillness within our beings over time. Thank you very much for reading, and see you next time. 

Kyle