Here’s an understated yet reliable measure of how much you accept yourself:

How much you accept others as they are.

Anaïs Nin once said that ‘we see others, as we are’.

Inside-out projection of our conscious opinions and discarded parts of our unconscious are part and parcel of having an ego. Almost everyone, including me, has one.

Projection can be positive (idealistic) or negative (demonising), as in the halo and horns effect. The challenge is finding the latent parts of ourselves that are undeveloped or rejected, that are expressed outside as our projections.

Realising the hidden memories, emotions and beliefs that are linked to our projections, allows us to take them back and integrate them into us so that we can see things as they are without added suffering — a lot of suffering and trouble arises from projections; it’s not just a personal problem, it’s a political and social one.

How to do it? In principle its simple

1) Notice when you’re stirred up by something, a kind of turbulence in your body and mind that compels you to think, act or feel a certain way.

2) Get into a mindful space, breathe deeply, and openly question why you’re having that reaction and what/who is having that reaction. Be open-minded, let answers come through to you; you know its working when new perspectives and insights arise. Alternatively, you can just sit with the sensations the turbulence is creating, and wait for them to subside. 

3) With the insights, use your heart and mind to come to a new attitude on the thing in question — you’ll feel a sense of resolution and change when this has happened, a loss of tension and that the insights and situation have found a new place in your life.

The benefits

More peace, equanimity, perspective, harmony, flow, and creativity, a kind of mental and emotional groundedness in life, it will lower stress too which has a range of effects on our health! Hopefully this can be of use to you, and as always, thank you for reading.